On Dreams

I was told yesterday that due to current position of Pluto in the sky, I should be paying particular attention to my dreams in this period. 

I realised that I havent been dreaming much lately. or at least not remembering them, as it goes. I guess I've been a bit sleep deprived lately, which tends to cut out the possibility of dreams, or at least recall for me. And then that very night, a cacophony of dreams came to me, one strange and long recurrent one about not being able to find my car, eventually seeking the support of a security guy to help me, and the way that I communicated with him? I made a very particular drawing of the car, complete with registration number. 

On my hunt for my car I came across the studio of an old artschool classmate who I dont think of often, but who I know is a writer. In her studio she was making art, in particular she was weaving, on a kind of industrial yet still handloom. She was weaving sideways, somehow paralell with the warp as oposed to perpendicularly. Through this dreaming I was awaking often, realising that my system is off, that I must be properly sick, uncomfortable, hot, very low energy. and I slipped back into slumber. The next chapter I was making work. it was light, fabric, gauzy, white. A patchwork of kinds, on panels, large panels, stretched & hanging loose, and I felt ecstatic, I was so happy and in flow & fulfilled with what the process. 

I'm feeling some strong themes come through at the moment. The desire to make art, to be art, to live & create in flow and from intuition. And the other, this writing part. It keeps coming up all around me. I've been enjoying reading more and more over the last year or so, and I've kept a diary from when I very forst started travelling. Mostly this diary has been personal, emotional, interogating my feelings, my responses to things, to places, to people. There has been a lot of soul searching, of honing in on my priorities, my desires, in confronting my shadows, my desires, my unhappiness. I've done alot of work in this regard and I feel emotionally lighter than ever. In a state of acceptance, of awareness, reality as it is. 

I recently became enrapt with an enquiry into a kind of esoteric path. This has been a strong theme throughout my life, but always as a sort of mythical, abstract endeavour. Post Vipassana and engaging with the theory of non-dualism I've approached this path as a more intellectual pursuit, a sort of study which felt almost academic. And in doing so, I felt a nourishment of my intellect which has been severely starved for a long time. I had the feeling, the revelation that my mind had been turning in on itself, over masticating on trivial, emotional, relational quirks due to a lack of more meaningful direction. 

In my professional career post university I have been incredibly busy, first in film and then in creating a business. I have been busy, challenged in a way which exhausted me, which felt satiating. But now I desire rest, I desire a life in which I flow with my intuituion, with my energy, in whihc I do not deplete or exhaust myself, yet reach a desired satisfaction of engagement. I feel that my intellect is powerful and can be applied in a direction which could be nourishing without depletion, which can be engaged to produce fertile ground, for my own enrichment and for that of others. 

So here I am, beginning to write in a way which is less self serving. My desire is to engage with information, with interest, in a way which dances with reality. In a dance which nourishes and expands, which encompasses far more than my personal experience but which taps into knowledge & energies throughout history, across cultures and spans the interaction of these continuums. 

Mostly, I'd like to rest my body and feed my soul, its time to engage, to dance, to write, to play across boundaries of medium. 

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an update : 08.11.24

Last night I had what felt like a long & recurrent dream : 

I had somehow ended up back at the Dhamma Pataka Vipassana centre. Not of intent, perhaps I had given someone a lift there and had then felt that the right thing to do would be to join the course. At the last moment before handing my cellphone in I realised I should probably put an out of office automation on my business email. But I could not for the life of me set it up on my phone. For hours, which seemed to turn into the next day I was still stuck to my phone trying to set up this automation. I felt that it was what I needed to do to feel responsible in my spontaneous decision to step out of life as usual for ten days without warning & was stuck, trapped in my inability to set it up. 

My immediate reading of this that I've been spending too much time fixated on my cellphone, trapped in its pool and that it is interfering with my experience of the flow of life. 

""Time is not slipping through our fingers, time is here forever, it is we who are slipping through the fingers of time." - David Whyte